Have you ever been consumed with these thoughts?

“You do not want to  burden anyone.”

“If you I died, it would take weeks before anyone noticed you were gone.”

“No one would miss you.”

“When you are sick, no one cares about you.”

None of this is true. Perhaps you have made loneliness your constant companion that has become a hidden secret to those who love you.  Maybe when you are around loved ones, you find they are too critical of you during a crisis.  Does your loneliness come and go? Do you isolate because you feel like you are an outcast? Does your loneliness come and go? Monday you feel support and loved and then a few days where you feel alone and abandoned?  Are you going through a critical time with illness or grieving because of a loved one who is ill or grieving a death?

 I speak with many women and hear their sadness or frustration when this happens to them. Why did my family abandon me when I needed them most?  The confusion when they separate from you during the worst time of your life is heart-wrenching.Sometimes loved ones will have a critical opinion of your life choices for many different things. Perhaps it’s your selection of cancer treatment, or maybe you experienced trauma or a divorce. It can be very embarrassing for them even to begin to imagine how you allowed bad things to happen to you. They may see you as foolish for your choice.

Your life journey is personal, as is theirs. Their attitude towards you and your choices do not define you. Seeing you vulnerable and going through emotional pain can be extremely uncomfortable for them. They may back away, change the subject when yo want to talk about trauma towards you because many people just can’t handle it. They are not equipped and feel awkward if they cannot help or make things better. Some people you trusted may gossip and add another layer of trauma to your life.

The only thing you can do is let go. Do so with love for your own peace of mind. I know it hurts, however, if you resent them, you will suffer. Your health will be affected. I have heard many sad stories, and I can empathize. Letting go with love and prayer was the best.  You are never alone, and someone is waiting to help you if you wish to reach out. Here are some tips on combatting loneliness:

1. Nurture others. When we nurture someone else, it contributes to alleviating your loneliness

2. Get adequate sleep: Sleep deprivation can bring down our moods.  Get a routine for a great nights sleep.

3. Make a distinction between needing solitude and loneliness. Embrace solitude with peace, creativity, and restoration.  Loneliness feels draining, sad and very distracting.

4. Write a journal and get some clarity on what is missing in your life that would make you feel less lonely. When we see a problem written down on paper, it is easier to write down a solution to find out what is missing in your life.

5. Take initiative to connect with people. Adverse feelings of loneliness,  shame, envy, and guilt are indicators that something needs to change. That lonely feeling you have means it is imperative to connect with other people.  Sometimes negative emotions will get in the way and put up a wall for others to get close to you. There are steps you can take to get help with what you are going through so you can counter it.