On one particular Summer evening when I was just a young girl, my father went outside with a ladder and propped it up against the house. He held a small white box in his hands and in it contained little gold stars. He gathered me, my brother and sisters, outside to show us something he was excited about. He climbed the ladder with the tiny white box and reached into it and pulled a gold star out. He licked the white sticky side and held it up to the night sky. My dad is a very tall man standing 6’4″. He seemed even taller standing at the top of the ladder, and definitely tall enough to reach the sky.
We were curious and asked him what he was doing, he said half laughing, “I am putting stars in the sky for all of you kids!” I was six or seven years old at the time, and I believed him! As a kid, I’m thinking, oh… now I understand…it finally made sense to me at such a young age how all the stars got up there in the sky!
What dad gave me that night was priceless and a beautiful memory I cherish. I remember laying in bed that night thinking how amazing my dad was. He held all of us in wonderment that entire evening by being creative and doing something to make us all smile.
My parents were like this in our life. They would find ways to bring a little magical wonder by using their imagination. We did not have a lot of toys growing up because dad supported our family and was going to school. I loved their ingenuity and how they came up with creative ways to make us smile. At that age It was not the monetary things that I remembered as much as their act of love. I saw the value in that and was able to do the same for my children when they were little. We make our memories, and they last not just in one person’s life but in the lives of those we share our stories with.
The picture also reminds me of how I like to have little lights and candles glowing in my home at night for warmth and ambiance. I have lanterns throughout my backyard, around the pool, in the small garden and sitting area. It makes relaxing even more enchanting.
This morning, I when I woke up received a text message with this beautiful picture. It inspired me, started my day off great and it took me on a journey back into time. I also remember thinking as a climbed out of bed,
Be the light in the dark…
Welcome to my Blog! I am so happy you stopped by! The pages in my book of life are many! My hope is to inspire and empower anyone who stops by here to read a post. I believe life is meant to shape us into more loving individuals and to show us our life purpose! Your path is significant and many people will learn from everything you do! Your success, your mistakes, obstacles you overcome and choices leave a footprint. Never underestimate the impact you have in the lives of others. We all affect one another.
There are no guarantees on life or death but there is always HOPE!
Just because one doctor or one hospital says to you, “Nothing else can be done to save you from cancer” This does not mean it is true! THIS IS A LIE! I was told this very same lie. The doctors meant well but they are not God, they did not know of every healing therapy in our world! I survived because I chose not to believe in their limitations as a truth. They obviously did not know the potential of my body’s ability to heal! Why me? I’m not extraordinary and more worthy of healing than you! We all have hope and potential. It varies but there are many of us out there who healed from stage 4 cancer.Doctors who say this don’t want to take responsibility for giving patients hope; even if it is slim. I would never back down from a fight to save my life! If I give up death is certain. If I don’t give up, I have hope for healing!I’m a little riled up today and angry! This is a right to one of my God-given emotions! I’m furious! I cannot believe that so many stage 4 cancer patients are told there is nothing else to be done. I know MANY survivors of stage 4, and this is absolutely a horrible thing for them say to them! WHY NOT GIVE PATIENTS THE TRUTH! There is always HOPE! THE DOCTORS DOING THIS TO THEM ARE FORGETTING COMPASSION. Most of all they are following the book on what to say to patients when they have run out of drugs to try or they say this to patients who refuse the chemo just I as I refused!There is not a guarantee of life with ANY treatment, but HOPE is something you can still give to your patients! I understand when the vital signs are poor and they are truly too ill to fight that you need to prepare family. Compassion is not saying, give up and get your affairs in order to someone who drove their car feeling perfectly fine and telling them there is nothing else to be done for them. It is only a guarantee that there is NOTHING ELSE YOU CAN DO, and that your hands are tied by the FDA on what you are PERMITTED to use for treatment. All of us know there are survival stories out there and patients are leaving the country to continue trying to fight for their life!Cancer warriors who are angry because you tried plan A or plan B and it did not work. You feel a burst of fight still in you? If so then you can still try plan C, D or E! Try all the letters and then there are numbers. I had hope and am alive because of it. I couldn’t give up! I held on to hope.Doctors, it is more ethical to give your patients hope that there COULD BE ANOTHER WAY (whisper it in your patient’s ear to not give up and say, “You didn’t hear it from me” Keep fighting. Is that so hard to do? Just tell them that others have recovered with other cancer alternative treatments which unfortunately they are unable able to offer legally. Their hands are tied by our FDA so they cannot try other treatments with you that could work and heal you. Their chemo may not have worked for you, but this does not mean it is over!!! This does not mean you are destined to die! No guarantees yet anywhere but still, there are other available treatments and ways to keep fighting. People are beating stage 4! It is not a death sentence!When one doctor GIVES UP, or a hospital says they cannot save you all this means is that “THEY cannot save you! ” That is their TRUTH
Their truth will scare you, it will make you believe all is lost but it is only true for this facility, and they have just revealed to you the limit of THEIR ABILITIES!
UCLA gave me a death sentence of a year or less left to live in 2010! SERIOUSLY!? It’s now 2018 and I am free of disease! My whole family believed the lies too and were terrified!
Fear makes us panic, have anxiety and fall to a million pieces, and we believe lies.
THERE IS STILL HOPE!
THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!
FAITH IS IMPORTANT!
When fear subsides, let your intuition guide you! That’s what I did. That’s what my sister did. Quiet the mind and the noise of anxiety and fearful thoughts circling in a frenzy in your mind.
It’s been seven years since I first walked into CMN Hospital for their ACT protocol (Alternative Cancer Treatment). I put together a list of the most frequent questions I am asked. I want to emphasize that choosing your cancer treatment is a very personal choice and there are many options. I am sharing with you from my personal journey of completely healing stage 4 metastatic breast cancer without chemo.
Q. What Hospital did I go to for Alternative Cancer treatment? A.CMN Alternative Cancer Treatment. An inpatient facility that has a team of all specialties and an ICU should anything happen while you are out of your country you will be in very good hands right there at the hospital. This includes pulmonary, orthopedic gynecology etc. Cancer can have complications and they are included in your care. www.cmnact.com
Q.What kind and stage of cancer did I have? A. I had stage 4 Breast Cancer ER and PR Positive with metastasis to bones and all lobes of my lungs
Q. Did I do chemotherapy ever? A. No, Not ever.
Q. How long since you got treatment? A. 7 years February 7th I went to CMN. August 201, I was completely symptom-free.October 15th 2011, I got the confirmation from a PET CT scan NED (No Evidence of Disease)
Q. Did my twin sister (She also survived breast cancer ) do chemotherapy? Do we have the BRCA gene? A. My twin sister went to CMN hospital for alternative cancer treatment as well. She is past her 2-year mark of being completely disease free. We do not have the BRCA gene. Here is our twin interview. http://onewildflower.com/wildflower-interviews/
Q. Where is CMN Alternative Cancer Treatment? A. It is in San Luis, Rio Colorado Sonora Mexico. which is a very quiet little town. The people are kind and receive foreigners warmly
Q. Why did I choose CMN Hospital? A. It is a well-established hospital that has been around for about 35 years. The advanced treatments were what I sought after.
Q.Why are there no patient testimonies on their website. A. CMN Doctors do not believe in exploiting cancer patients for marketing purposes. Patients are fighting for their lives and are scared. Most importantly they believe in the oath they swore. The Hippocratic Oath and every variation of it say they promise to keep patient information private so they absolutely keep your information safe from the worldwide web.
Q. What is the success rate of CMN? A. I urge you to read my article because To answer this question best for all hospitals because we are not clones and everyone handles cancer differently (including self-treatment before going to a hospital). The Truth About the Cancer Success Rate
BONUS Question and Answer #11 Q. What was your diet like during your cancer treatment? A. I am learning that much of our diet is not about what we eat as much as it is about what’s eating at us. That being said, I worked on the emotional healing and I ate pretty healthily, to begin with. However, I made a few changes like cutting animal protein down to about 20%of my normal intake. I cut out sugar by approximately 80%. That is it while I was healing my body. Today I have cut out gluten because I was getting tummy aches and horrible headaches and realized I have a sensitivity to it. I take digestive enzymes and other supplements like bone broth, collagen and I drink Ionized alkaline water.
BONUS Question and Answer #12 Q. What is the cost? A. Call them 844-371-1117
CMN’s Admins are warm, kind and genuinely care. They will give you great information without pestering you in the future. They will never call you back unless you asked them to. So ask away! <3
More Answers in this video! Subscribe to my Youtube Channel
Wow. Seven years. Seven years, or 2,557 days since February 7th, 2011 – the day I stepped into CMN Hospital in San Luis Sonora Mexico to fight for my life in a very unconventional way. I chose alternative cancer treatment and turned down chemotherapy. To this day, people reach out to me and tell me they looked me up online to see if I was still alive after seeing my story years ago of how I beat stage 4 breast cancer without chemotherapy.
I was a different person seven years ago. I remember having to raise money to get to CMN Hospital to do holistic treatments. When the money was raised (learn how to raise funds for your cancer treatment at Angels for Shannon) I dealt with a lot of fear. I kept putting off the travel to leave for Mexico. Crossing that border to begin treatment was a huge leap of faith. I didn’t want to go on my birthday, February 4th, so I didn’t. Then I told my girlfriends who raised the money that I didn’t want to go on Valentine’s Day because they were usually happy days for me and I didn’t want to connect those special days with battling for my life and being in the hospital. My girlfriends, my earth angels as I call them, saw right through what I was doing and called me out on it: I was in denial, the delay was my way of treating my situation not so serious. My family, friends and I had raised enough money for treatment, but I just kept hesitating and trying to change the date because I was dealing with fear. With a mental push, shove, and faith, I was finally out the door and about to step foot in the hospital that I chose to help save my life.
Here I am now, seven years later, alive. The death sentence is completely gone. I was given three months to a year left to live back in 2010. This year feels a bit different – seven years. Here I am, much farther away from treatment in Mexico, and I’m looking back on when I first walked into CMN Hospital on February 7th. The meaning of this date changes each year. I spent so many years waiting for that significant five-year mark when cancer survivors can take a deep breath and feel like they are finally out of the woods. That was a relief and a cause to celebrate for sure, but this year, at year seven, I am thinking about how I got here. It was changing perspectives and faith. The choices I made that were based on my God-given intuition.
When I had a recurrence of stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in 2010, I was terrified. The fear was overwhelming. What do you do when a UCLA doctor gives you a very short time span to live? I didn’t know which direction to turn.
Hearing someone tell you that you are going to die, and sooner rather than later, is like having a terrible enemy running after you with all of his might, and you are standing there looking at an arsenal of different weapons to choose from. You have been told that nothing will work, but you see a new one in the mix and feel good about it. There will be less collateral damage! It feels right, and even though there is no promise, I have a really good feeling about it! I just have to make a decision and get going! I ended up choosing the weapon that many people have not even heard much about alternative cancer treatment. With my back against the wall with modern medicine in the United States, I turned around and ran across the border to Dr. Payan at CMN Hospital. I remember walking into that hospital like it was yesterday. I felt compassion from the moment I arrived, but I still had that terminal diagnosis in the back of my mind. I looked at Dr. Payan and asked him, “What are my chances of beating this?” He said, “Shannon, I will do my best, but I cannot make you any promises. “I will do my best,” he said. “Only God knows for sure, but let’s try!” I saw his genuine heart and compassion and knew that he was going to try his absolute best. That’s what I wanted hope, good healing treatment and a doctor and medical team with heart.
Here’s the thing: I could have chosen any treatment; I was that sick. I decided to go to CMN Hospital because my body needed “healing,” not to get sicker. I had done radiation, and it failed. The burns were just too much and caused me to get fluid in my lungs, a burned esophagus, and staph infection. So, I decided to do something that would at least be healing, and this felt like common sense to me. Spoiler alert, no one can promise you a cure. No one. But CMN offered me advanced treatments like dendritic cell therapy, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, and more… and I knew that those things would at least help me heal, even if they might not cure me. I let the hospital take care of me. Call me old school, but that’s what I was raised to do. Even with my knee replacements, other surgeries, and having babies. This was no different. It was choosing a hospital has been around and treated many patients with cancer that have a good reputation. I made that choice and trusted it faithfully
Today, I recognize that my choices led me to realize that healing is what this journey is all about. Physically, try to heal your body first. Whether or not you do chemotherapy, healing your body is essential. Use alternative therapies to restore your body and strengthen it before or after the chemo. If you do it before doing chemo, you could save your life and may never need the chemotherapy.
Furthermore, heal your heart and your mind. Mental and emotional therapies are just as important as physical therapies. I have identified my gifts and talents because of all the adversities in my life, and I am using them! So often, women can’t recognize what they have to offer, even when they are sick. Every day is an opportunity for us to help others. We all are an answer to someone’s prayer. We can make someone else smile or laugh. Spread the love; there is an endless supply. Sometimes you won’t get to see the impact you make because you are just planting seeds and someone else will come into their lives and nurture the seed. Because here’s the thing: we were all born to make a difference. It’s not up to you, or to me, to decide how big that difference is. Does it matter if we see the result? Just give your best in every situation.
Seven years ago, I had my head down, scared, but I just wanted to keep moving forward regardless of my pace. I put one foot in front of the other and kept making strides. I knew what my goal was, and I didn’t dare take my eyes off of it. Just… let’s get through today. Ok, now let’s get through tomorrow. Sad to say, but I was afraid to dream too big. But here I am at year seven, and it is pretty amazing to lift my head up and see a bright future.
What I have learned through this journey is how vital our perspective of daily life challenges are. Think about it: have you ever had a bad day that just seemed to get worse and worse? Maybe it was because you kept thinking about every bad thing that happened rather than taking a moment to say, “God, I am so grateful. I’m breathing, and I can still smile. I have people who love me, and I can love others as well.” It can feel ridiculous to stop in the middle of a rainstorm or a car crash to say, “Thank you God for all I have that I might take for granted because I’m focusing on other, more pressing matters.” At year seven, I know how powerful my perspective is regarding the outcome of things in my life. Please don’t mistake my gratitude for living with my blinders on or looking through rose-colored lenses. Living with love and appreciation in the forefront of my mind and leading with my heart changes how I see a situation, and how someone else sees it may be completely different, but one thing is for sure… we’re both right! So maybe I have a habit to see the bright side of things when another sees it a little more negatively. That’s okay. What matters is that I live my life with great intentions and know that we all have a purpose; I lead with my heart when I make a decision, and then follow it all the way through. Hesitation or doing something without giving my all is not acknowledging my soul purpose and can diminish my spirit. We deserve the best, every one of us. How can we reach our best if we aren’t giving situations our all? Perspective is everything.
As much as I advise on how emotional, mental, and physical impact our healing, there are times when I have lost sight of it; my perspective has gotten muddied because I allowed stress to take over. It happens to everyone, but just because we are knocked down does not mean we can’t get back up even stronger and with new insight. Seven years later, I fully understand that this whole life journey is about our soul’s purpose here. Our soul is evolving in these bodies that we have for just a block of time. We don’t know how much time we have, yet we live as we have forever. Now I know for sure that my soul’s purpose is about love and learning how to love better each day. It’s about letting go of ego, which means not needing approval from everyone around me. I cannot please everyone. I have learned how to be independent and yet still serve others. If I make a choice and people frown on it, I’m good with that… and go with my decision all the way. I don’t give up. I see it through to the end. And then, year after year, it just gets better. Being authentic in who we are and being more transparent is valuable. I want my kids and grandkids to learn how to trust themselves.
Today, my faith is stronger, and I listen to my God-given intuition more than ever. I relied heavily on my faith, and that is an integral part of my life journey. CMN Hospital has a chapel where I spent time alone praying. I would also kneel at the end of my hospital bed and pray for healing and courage to get me through each day. How I handled my journey was important to me. I prayed and talked to God daily, and I have only strengthened my faith in these seven years since.
In the last eleven years, I have been helping women as a certified advocate for domestic violence in the past and present as a cancer advocate. It is because of so many women over the years opening up to me and sharing the stories of their journey that I was inspired to start life coaching years ago and January I launched One Wildflower Life Coaching. So many of us women battling and pushing through barriers to come up and out of the dark still bloom with beauty. We have experienced some of the most adverse conditions and made it through the roughest terrains. We are wildflowers growing in the most unexpected ways!
I know now more than ever that I could not have done any of this alone. My support group of friends, family, and loved ones – are my earth angels! They were unconditionally supportive of me throughout the entire journey. It is so tempting to isolate and hide when the going gets tough. Want to know a little secret? Letting people in when we are struggling allows us to see that we have angels with us here on earth. The whole idea that we don’t want to be a burden is wrong. We need one another, and this means humbling ourselves to let them in; allowing them to love us. We can accept their help with a grateful heart. When we have fear and self-pity, we miss out on getting more love and compassion in our lives at a time when we need it most. Self-compassion means knowing we deserve love. Love is what life is all about!
It’s time to let you go. You have lied to me and tried making me believe I was worthless. You
held me back from following my dreams. You brought me nightmares and anxiety. Well, guess
what, I got a little curious, and stepped out onto a different path. I found Courage and now
you’ve lost me. I’m moving on and never looking back. I don’t believe your lies anymore. I
remember Courage from a long time ago. Courage was in my life long before you appeared. I learned to
take my first steps as a child with Courage, you were nowhere around! I fell many times, but I
got right back up because of Courage. I learned to be careful and safe and I was brave. I can remember when you first crept into my life. It was a conditioning, you worked me over for a long period of time. So, I
imagine that’s why it took me some time to finally reunite with Courage. I’m sure you’ll try to follow me
and trick me with your lies again, but I’ll turn to Courage every time. So long… I’m free.
Yesterday, I was in the grocery store standing at the end of a very long line feeling exhausted. I mean in every way; emotionally, physically and mentally. Our family experienced a tragic death with a loved one this week, and it had taken its toll on me, on all of us). I live alone, and I can go weeks maybe longer without a hug (Never take a hug for granted if you have loved ones close by HUG THEM )
There was a man in the lane next to me with red vine licorice and Dill Pickle Sunflower Seeds. He’d be checked out and on his way in no time! He surprised me with his kindness when he asked me if I would like to go into his lane and go before him. I said,” No, thank you”? He didn’t give up; he asked again as if “YES” would be the only answer he would accept. I said no one more time and thanked him again. He asked a third time, and I surrendered with great relief to not have to stand in line anymore.
He went ahead and showed what I call loving kindness. (Loving kindness is where instead of giving a hungry child a piece of bread, you put a little jam on it before you give it to him). The man opened up his red vine licorice and reached the package over to me. He said, “Here take one, you need a break” I was going to say no (Not sure why), because I don’t eat sugar? I don’t know, but I said “yes, instead and thanked him.
I felt surrounded by random kindness, I felt relief and cared for by a complete stranger. I thanked him as he assisted me by handing me a few of my groceries to make it easier as I unloaded my cart. I ate that licorice! It was the best piece of candy I ever had because of how I received it. Those are the little diamonds in my life I cherish forever. We said goodbye and when I unloaded my cart in the trunk of my car I felt happy. I got in and could not start my vehicle just yet because tears started pouring down my cheek. They were mixed tears of relief and joy that this type of kindness still exists in all of us.
Today, I needed a couple of things and had to go back to the grocery store. I saw the sunflower seeds and red vine licorice at the checkout, and my heart smiled! I purchased them always to remind myself to pay that kindness forward and I will too!
A friend of mine in 2006 who belonged to a large skeptic organization told me the first time I had cancer that I was a fool, an absolute idiot to not do chemotherapy with stage 3 cancer. He said, ” Shannon, orange juice will not save your life! Listen to yourself! He genuinely pitied me. His sarcasm about OJ was because one of the “many healthy cancer therapies” I chose was I.V. Vitamin C.
He was a handsome, persuasive, firefighter who sounded so noble, smart, insistent and caring. He was wrong, and I am glad I was able to withstand all the charm and advice he afforded me so compassionately for my good. He believed with all his heart that I was making a very grave mistake based on my intuition in my gut to try a healthier alternative to treat cancer. This feeling led me straight to the hospital and physicians that would save my life; CMN Hospital.
I have never shared this with anyone, but I wanted to let you know that often what we feel intuitive is the right thing for us to do, we tend to ignore. We do this because of outside opinions of others and their fears, skepticism, or genuine love. We need to trust ourselves. It could mean saving your life.
How do animals know not to eat from poisonous shrubs? How? I trust my instincts more now and quiet the noise of skepticism around me.
In 2010 I had a recurrence of stage 4 cancer, and I still decided against chemo. I trusted my intuition twice, and here I am six years later realizing my instincts were right and the intelligent doctors and skeptics were wrong in “my personal choice for treating cancer.” Let me reemphasize, “My personal choice.” We must respect each other’s decisions.
We must trust ourselves, and sometimes your family and friends will think you are crazy. Each of us has the answer inside, try to listen to your inner voice. Your voice. Don’t worry what others think because one day you could save your life, not just with cancer but on many different things that you will get advice on that does not match what you think is right.
Wishing you confidence and less distraction when your inner voice is speaking to you the answers you need. I pray for all of you to continue trusting yourselves and turning down the volume of outside noise so you can hear your inner voice and the message.
PS. When I was a kid, I was considered tolerant and tenacious. It’s an Interesting combination if you think about it. I was patient and tolerated strong opinions of others. I had tenacity when going after what I believed. www.shannonknight.com
One of the most common questions to a cancer treatment facility from a cancer patient is, “What is the success rate?” Can you imagine what would happen if a doctor turned that question around on patients and asked, “What do you think your success rate is? What is your plan in this healing partnership?” Patients do have choices of how they treat their body; the doctors are not solely responsible for a patient’s health.
I remember when my UCLA oncologist first met me and was discussing my treatment options. He terrified me with the mortality rate. I am over three years cured now. I went to Mexico for therapies that will not be tested in the U.S. because the drug companies cannot put a patent on IV vitamin C, IV B17, Ozone Therapy, Ultraviolet Light, Dendritic cell therapy – the list goes on of what will not be offered by your oncologist. Just because it is not FDA approved does not mean it doesn’t work; it means the FDA refuses to test. Contrarily, it has been tested and used successfully in Mexico. I learned this and understood the common sense of it. The cancer therapies I chose did not cause toxic side effects like vomiting or losing my hair, and I was cured in 6- 8 months. Many of us are afraid of leaving our country for healing.
My healing was not a miracle; surviving the barbaric conventional treatments for cancer would have been. The fact that there are not enough healing therapies made available to help restore the immune system is cruel to me. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause secondary cancer and are so harsh. If a patient chooses this, then the focus on the immune system and restoring it should be the other half of their treatment. I respect the reasons people choose the therapies recommended by their doctor. Often, a prior doctor-patient relationship was established, so the trust is already there during a time when the patient is most terrified. The sense of urgency is made clear by their physician, and suddenly they are rushing to make a decision without getting a chance to know what other healthier options are available.
When chemotherapy fails, which often it does, many patients choose alternative therapies and yet they are so frightened and afraid to trust anymore that they are very skeptical of the healing potential. Tamoxifen is a common drug prescribed for breast cancer and can cause uterine cancer, yet the patient feels the benefit outweighs the risk.
Success with a cancer treatment is based on our unique immune system, which is different from everyone else. If we choose Standard cancer treatments like chemotherapy, this compromises our immune system. Our age will also determine how many fighter cells we have. What other cancer treatments can we attempt, before finally going to a different hospital?
Chemotherapy and radiation compromise your immune system, so if one starts treatment the same time as another patient that never used any, he will have a stronger immune system to fight it, but then again, his cancer could be worse than the other person. Take into consideration types of drugs, how many rounds of chemotherapy surgery, pain management, diet, alcohol, cigarettes, environment, or overall health. A patient’s chance of success is also going to be determined by what she does at home for self-treatment. Many patients will treat themselves by reading articles on the internet and ordering many supplements and herbs, even drugs, mistletoe, marijuana, PolyMVA, and many other therapies without seeing a doctor first. Cost is a reason. It starts becoming a financial burden, and the options seem fewer and fewer, with the help of a doctor, and maybe you will see many. He is relying on you as much as you are relying on him. The doctor cannot do many of these things “for you” that make a big difference in your success. You have more power over success than you realize. Cancer treatment is a partnership and doctors cannot make promises. Educating ourselves on the treatments recommended is imperative. We need to do a lot of research on a drug or therapy before taking it. We must look at the pros and cons. If we are choosing an alternative approach, is it the very best and is it aggressive enough?
This post is not intended to give medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always consult with a physician and do your research.
As far back as I can remember, cancer terrified me. Cancer always meant death was around the corner. Whenever I saw someone losing their hair and dropping weight, it scared me. I was not old enough to understand. Cancer affected many family members in my life and still does. I have lost 3 grandparents, an aunt and have family battling it right now.
I remember the last time I ever saw my grandmother; it was to say good-bye. My parents told me her cancer was very advanced, and she did not have much longer to live. I remember how eerie it was pulling up to my grandparents street. I flashed back to when my sisters and I went down the big hill on roller skates. It was too steep and if our parents knew we would have been in trouble because it went past an alleyway next to a church where cars went through. At the speed we were going, it was too dangerous to stop, we had to finish the ride out. We were lucky, laughing at first and then screaming when we realized just how fast we were going approaching the alley. I’ll never forget it.
Here I was now a grown woman experiencing death with my beloved grandmother. I got out of the car and walked across the front lawn. More memories flooded my mind of me, my brothers, sisters, and cousins laughing and playing games in the front yard. We made up games and played traditional games like Red Rover, Red Rover, and “Tag!” There were so many kids in our family when we had our family holiday get-togethers. I have so many wonderful cousins, aunts, and uncles that I looked forward to seeing every year, I couldn’t imagine holidays without her. I knew nothing would ever be the same again when she died.
On the ride up I had tried to prepare myself for something I never experienced. I thought about what I could say, knowing these would be my last words to my grandmother. They needed to be important and probably words I would never forget. I wanted to comfort her and take any fear away she had of dying. What could be more meaningful than I will miss you and I love you? I did not want to face her death and tell her I would miss her! My heart was breaking, and I hated cancer. I couldn’t tell her everything would be okay; it was a lie. My faith was not strong even though I was Catholic. I did not understand what would happen; I just wanted her to have comfort and make sure she wasn’t scared
I walked into my grandparent’s house and down the hallway with all the family pictures on the walls. This hall was small but always a place the family would gather to look at family pictures from over the years. I turned around the corner, and I could feel my heart race with fear and sadness as I got near my grandparent’s room. I didn’t want to see what my grandmother looked like near her death; I wanted everything to be back the way it was. I walked in, and she was laying down frail in a hospital type bed. I looked over to the left of the room to where Grandma and Grandpa’s bed was and knew she would never lay there again with my Grandpa. I knew his heart was breaking. They were such fantastic companions. The reality was hitting me so hard, and it was all so sad.
I walked into my Grandparents bedroom; it was a heartbreaking vision to see my Grandmother in this weakened condition. I knew it was time for me to say the most meaningful words to her because they would be my last words spoken. I remember the sliver of light coming in through the window. It was peeking through the pulled down shade at the head of her bed. I would remember her fragile state whether I wanted to or not; it burned in my mind forever. Grandmother was so full of life, and she kept all of us kids in line. She did it with strength and love. She fixed incredible Italian food and made us peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the afternoon when my cousins and I were playing outside. Her biscotti cookies with that hint of licorice from the anise spice were the best I had ever had.
My Grandmother was strong, kind and gentle. Her eyes were soulful and filled with wisdom. My favorite dresses of hers were her cotton plaid pastel ones. She could dress so simple and look so elegant.
I stepped cautiously and closer to her. I said, “hello” very softly. I leaned over to hug her carefully, barely touching her. She didn’t reply; she just looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes, always full of kindness. They looked exhausted, though, I had never seen this look before. I saw her fading away. I told her I loved her. I asked, my dad if it was okay to hold her hand, she just looked so fragile, and it felt respectful to get his permission at this time. He said, “yes.” I will never forget the last words I had said to her before I walked out the bedroom door. I leaned over, and I whispered to her that I was pregnant with my second child, and the baby was due on her birthday. I don’t understand why I said what I did. I was so young and unprepared for anything I went through. When I think back on that day, I suppose I was hoping it would make her feel some peace as she was letting go.
The guilt I felt afterward was heavy as I was walking back to the car. What was I thinking, sharing my joy of a new life coming into the world while she lay there so ill with death waiting to take her? I was so naïve of what to say. Here she was fragile and pale, and I was trying to cheer her with the exciting news of a child coming into the world. I wanted to run back in there and comfort her, tell her I was sorry, but the family kept moving forward towards the car, and they would not understand this rush of emotion and the great need to be near her again.
She died a short while after, it was Autumn 24 years ago right before Thanksgiving. I still miss her so much, that my heart is aching even as I write. I never heard her yell at me or any of the kids once; she was incredibly patient. From that day on, cancer felt sinister to me. Grandma always looked well and then one day she was sick with cancer. She was starting to look thinner and started wearing a wig. I thought it was because of cancer. I know now it was the chemotherapy that took a toll on her. I always wondered why people had to suffer so much through these cancer treatments. It never made sense to me. I was afraid of cancer and chemotherapy. To me, it meant if you got cancer you were going to suffer from treatment. Both my grandfathers died of cancer and then one of my aunts got cancer and also did chemotherapy and died. I didn’t look at their medical records, all I know is, they were very sick, and I was afraid of ever having to go through what they did.
If I were given a choice to start my life over without cancer, I would choose the same path of battling cancer because it led me to where I am today. I am blessed and can help many people because of what I went through. What knowledge I have gained from this experience is invaluable. I learned how to heal my body and not give in to the toxic treatments. Alternative Cancer Treatments saved me and gave me a life I never knew could exist. It showed me that I could help others see another way to fight if they too were afraid of chemotherapy and radiation. I beat breast cancer twice, stage III in 2006 and stage IV in 2010 without using the barbaric treatments that are the only approved treatments by the FDA. I left my country the second time, and it took courage. I respect choice, but if people want another choice, I want to be able to share my story, so they know they have choices.
I meet many other survivors just like me. The question everyone should be exploring is why is healing the body, not a priority when someone gets cancer, why is healing such a misunderstood word? Why do they immediately go in with the scalpel, burning and chemicals and drugs? I have never been the one to see something and pretend not to see it. If the Emperor is naked and everyone wants to lie and say he looks great in his new clothes so as not upset the king, I have a natural inclination to run up to him and shelter his nudity with a cloak to spare him from shame.
Shannon Knight survived breast cancer twice, including stage 4. Like millions of others, she was faced with the challenge of deciding how to save her life. She refused chemotherapy and did some radiation and mastectomy. When conventional medicine failed, her she discovered alternative healing at a CMN Hospital in San Luis Rio Colorado Mexico. It was because of her courage and willingness to go on searching for alternative cancer treatment that she is alive today. She survived! The death sentence hanging over her head has been removed for six years.Shannon is now a cancer advocate and certified life coach who has assisted many survivors who struggle with the emotional issues connected with cancer. She has been a guest on radio shows and featured in documentaries.
Shannon is now a cancer advocate and certified life coach who has assisted many survivors who struggle with the emotional issues connected with cancer. She has been a guest on radio shows and featured in documentaries.
She has deep empathy and compassion for all cancer warriors and understands what an individual goes through once they learn of a cancer diagnosis. She can relate with having to choose treatment and how difficult it is deciding how to save your own life, especially if your doctor has given you only so much time to live.
As I was having my coffee this morning, Michael Bolton’s song came on, and I was flooded with a comforting memory.
One early morning just before dawn, on January 17th, 1994 at 4:31 am the Northridge earthquake slammed Southern CA at a magnitude of 6.7. It woke me from a sound sleep. The motion was a jolting up and down, not the side to side rocking I experienced from previous quakes like the Sylmar one in 1971; I was only 5 years old during that one and remember it well. Our house was on a raised foundation and there was more of a shimmy kind of swaying. Our house creaked and rocked back and forth for a time after the quake ended.
No, this one was different! It felt like King Kong picked up my apartment and shook it up and down for 20 seconds. The sound of glass breaking and furniture banging was loud, and there was this eerie feeling as I smelled the mixture of perfumes that spilled from the broken bottles.
It felt like forever before I could take a solid step. My first attempt was met with the ground pitching me up and slamming me down to my knees, instantly skinning both from the force of the rug scraping them.
Twenty seconds felt like forever as the loud rumbling, and crashing sounds continued in that small, dark apartment as my 4-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son were screaming, “Mommy! Mommy!” As soon as there was a break, I Instinctively remembered to grab the emergency flashlight radio from under my night table. I crawled over to the living room yelling at the kids to stay where they were and to let me come to them; they were in their bunk beds terrified! Jessica kept asking, “Is it coming back?” I had no real answer for her except a half truth, “No, baby, it’s all over!”
When I was finally able to get to them, we made it safely to the doorway and held one another. Then, we crawled to be together more comfortably under the dining room oak table. I knew I needed to turn the radio on to get information to see how bad it was all around us. Kyle was sweet and tried to be brave and helpful with turning on that radio. I was scared, and then we had our first moment of peace.
The first sound that came from that emergency radio was not an emergency announcement, it was a song by Michael Bolton. His voice was calm, comforting and temporary relief from all the thrashing… Hearing him sing made us feel normal for a moment as if nothing had happened.
“You came to me like the dawn through the night
Just shinin’ like the sun
Out of my dreams and into my life
You are the one, you are the one
Said I loved you, but I lied
‘Cause this is more than love I feel inside
Said I loved you, but I was wrong
‘Cause love could never ever feel so strong
Said I loved you, but I lied…”
It’s the first track on this link I posted. We listened, and for a moment I felt peace, love, and unity. I felt the kids relaxing a bit under the weight of my arms. We just listened.
A simple song cut through the fear for a minute and gave us a moment to catch our breath. Next, we went outside, Jessica in my arms, clinging, frozen with her body wrapped tightly around my neck and torso. She wasn’t letting go for anything. We peeked outside our front door, and it was pitch black except the stars; there were so many! WIthout a single city light, the stars were brighter than I had ever imagined possible.
Thank God my kids were always fascinated with stars and I could talk about something good from all of this mess that fell on us. I sat them down in the front door way and did my best to calm them with stories about the stars and promises that everything would get better from here on out. The worst was over.
Every now and then I’ll hear a Michael Bolton song. I would feel an urge to turn up the song as if it as an anthem song to connect me with my kids during our most terrifying time that had been comforted by Michael Bolton’s voice. Songs have a way of taking us back to revisit a significant time in life.
On September 3rd, my daughter and I will be taking our seats front row and center at his concert in Las Vegas. She was so happy when I told her about it. She said, ‘ Mom, I have the best memories with his songs” Times together just you and me and Kyle in that apartment.” She said she had the best memories then. She remembers that song and the earthquake. We will be giving him thanks, and he won’t even have an inkling of what those two ladies in the front row will be remembering and thanking him for.
I still love this man’s voice because It has calmed me on many occasions. Not one of his songs makes me feel a connection to a bad memory; only good.
She asked me,
“How can you believe in God, it is impossible for God to handle the cares of the entire world!!” I responded, “For me, it means, God gives us free will and the ability to be an answer to someone else’s prayers throughout our life. How many times have we said to another, “Oh my God! You are an answer to my prayer?” Yes…Oh my God!
Prayers get answered,
No one lives forever,
How well can we love each day?
The light; the love within us, this is God.” I cannot deny that one common gift we each have within us. Accept the light and love that already exists in your heart, this is God; then… share it, His light has always been meant to be shared.
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
My Personal Letter to a friend during my darkest hour. It was Spring, May 2011, just three months after returning from CMN hospital in San Luis, Sonora Mexico. I was treated with alternative cancer treatments for a recurrence of stage 4 breast cancer. The cancer was bad and had spread to all lobes of my lungs, bones and lymph nodes. I was in a lot of pain, terrified and afraid the treatment was not working.
I get emails from brave cancer warriors (Mostly women late stage) asking me how long did it take to start noticing my body healing after treatment? My answer is not what you would think because my health got worse before I improved. Publicly I seemed courageous, and I have to say that I’ve had my worst fears and greatest courage through the cancer journey.
I feel this letter is imperative to anyone facing cancer, who thinks I was brave through my entire experience. A dear friend wrote me a letter, and I want to share it and be transparent with all who feel bad about “losing it” now and then. I see now that it was the darkest time in my life, which was right before I started to feel the healing. If I did not experience this, I don’t think I would have the insight or empathy to share with others who are terrified.
This letter reveals how my faith was failing and fear was consuming me. However, at the end of the letter, you will see I still had hope and faith.
A dear friend wrote me to ask how I was doing and if she was bothering me by checking on me?” I am not sharing her actual letter to honor her privacy. My response below depicts the fear, struggle, and anger (Cancer Grief) I was going through, and I do not think she was expecting such an emotional response from me.
My letter Response:From Shannon Jennifer Knight
May 3 2011, at 12:33pm
My breathing is getting worse; it’s been hard times, and my lungs feel like there is a knife in it. I am not very positive today and feel so small. Heaven is where God wants us; eventually, He wants us to be with Him, so why do we fight to hang on here? The tumors are growing rapidly, and I feel like I have been wasting my time trying to get well. I know you think this is probably Satan working his stuff on me. We don’t always get what we pray for. Since we last talked, two women are now in a coma and very sick from chemotherapy. I feel like when we pray, God will do what He wants anyway and He already has a plan for us. So, are we praying against “His plan”? I hope my letter does not upset you. It’s just me and the pain and the fear (God made me with “all emotions”). I do not believe He thought I would get through life without my fears and just be gleeful and joyful all the time! He made me human and felt guilty for feeling fear is not working anymore. Fear is an emotion and Satan did NOT have a hand in our creation. God created my entire being, my anger, my joy, my fear, etc. I am trying to come to terms with my emotions, and it ‘s hard. I watched a true story last night. I was saddened to see all the Christians killing the Pagans. Our world is full of craziness, and it has me so sad. What a mess!
Forgive me for being so blunt, and I do not mean to sway you at all from your faith, I admire it, but I lack it right now. I am one woman just clacking away at a keyboard in a big universe. Do you know how tiny that is, with the billions of people, especially people being murdered that are pleading for God’s help? The Congo, Juarez (both dealing with femicide) I am so small to be expecting Him to answer my prayers right now. If I am worse this week, maybe, it is just meant to be, I’m just Shannon out of how many Shannon’s and how many women who are fighting this disease? We have free will, and we must choose the right treatment, and I am trying so hard, but I feel it is so futile when I see so little change after being so confident and full of hope. I have never been like this, and here it is, I am finally to the point where I just think God lets us make choices, and then we all die at different times, “but eventually we die” and go to a better place. I don’t think praying anymore will change what God already has planned for me. I believe in Him, I believe He sent His son to die for our sins, and by the blood of Jesus we are saved, but right now I believe, that death does not mean the same thing for God as it does for us. “We are afraid to let go and return to Him.” He knows it’s the best place we could ever hope to be and yet we don’t dare pray for it because to do that, we would look suicidal! We pray to stay alive and expect God to answer that prayer. He takes us when He wants to!
I know how lost I seem, I do! I am sitting right now wondering if I scared you away by hitting the send key to deliver this letter. I love you, and I am so glad you are in my life. What if I bring you down? What if I insult your faith with my personal interpretation of God’s will? Why am I jealous of survivors right now? What the heck is wrong with me? Why do I want to just for once cook whatever I used to cook because it is delicious? Homemade Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn, my homemade Italian meatballs that are simply the best with angel hair pasta and sauce which is out of this world. I miss my favorite carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. I am tired of waking up, and everything has to do with this disease. Eat all the foods I don’t even like. You should taste my homemade lasagna. I even make the best pumpernickel croutons. Now, everything I love to eat is not good for me! Forgive me for being so honest about how I feel, please forgive me. I don’t want to scare you away; I need your friendship, and I am hurting and don’t want to take pain pills because they stop me up.
xoxo xoxo ~Shannon
PS. You don’t bug me too much, you never have and you never will.
Let me just say today, I pray to God, and I know I am worth it! My faith is strong.
Sometimes the more significant health problem for people is not Diet. Could it be what is eating at them instead of what they are eating? Every week I get asked about my diet once I returned home from alternative cancer treatment at CMN hospital in Mexico to stay in remission? First of all. I never use the word remission because when I looked that word up in the dictionary is restricted me from accepting the healing that took place. I am cured of stage 4 breast cancer as of August 2011, and I am still healthy. The moment I got the news I owned that blessing that was given to me. I declare I was cured and healthy and accepting it and having faith makes a big difference.
Now, about my diet, I ate healthily, but I was not fanatical. The first time I had cancer in 2006, I went vegan and organic, and I had a recurrence in 2010. Women have written me after having a cancer diagnosis and explained how they were trying to fight it on their own by going vegan, juicing and doing coffee enemas. Many women I spoke with were trying juicing and other cancer diets. Some tried Budwig, and some tried the Gerson diet. I get letters often from women who are stage 4 and very scared. They are frustrated because they couldn’t understand why the diet change did not cure their cancer. I wish I could say some magic diet was the answer; I have heard of many.
I have asked them how they feel about their diet and many feel resentment and anger because for so long eating right and even making sacrifices by missing parties, so they do not get tempted to eat the party food was all they knew. To do this and see that it did not destroy their cancer can be heartbreaking. They sometimes feel like they wasted time and begin feeling resentment. Once the bitterness kicks in many women will still not go back to eating a regular meal because of fear, and they continue with their diet habit, and it is like eating thorns and rocks now while everyone else is so darn happy eating delicious meals.
If you are happy while you eat and not stressed, then this is great! Stress is an antagonist to our healthy body. I believe it was the choices I made, the treatments I chose, my faith and my mindset that saved me. We need to take accountability for our journey and choices of therapy each day.
In addition to our association with food remember your thoughts and your heart. Forgive people who have robbed you of your peace because you have allowed your resentment to destroy your spirit. Apologize to someone you hurt and try to make amends even if they do not forgive you; you will have that massive weight off of your shoulders.
I like healthy food, but I eat dessert now and then. I’ve made a few changes with less gluten and replacing sugar with stevia. Disease – (Dis-ease), perhaps there is something to that, that we seriously need to address as part of excellent health. I have much less stress in my life. Mind food is imperative! How are your relationships?
I also firmly believe raising our frequency is essential. Dancing, singing, comedy, and anything that makes you feel a natural high to get those endorphins going is healthy. Body movement instead of exercise is excellent. You can dance, swim and do enjoyable activities that would be even more effective in healing than a rigid work-out regimen. Be creative, think about your body and movement. Whether you jump on a rebounder or jump rope, listen to music that will raise your vibration. Choose upbeat and feel-good kind of music. If it is negative and angry music, this is not a healthy choice. Even music while cooking and cleaning.
Check out this great scene from the movie Bandits. Cate Blanchett gives a great example!