People often ask me why cancer treatment works with some individuals and not others. Whether it is conventional or alternative, I know they are referring to the physician and treatment choices.
I think each of us is on a unique path to healing in my observation and personal experience, which involves the mind, body, heart, and soul. Cancer reveals to us over time so much more than we realize.
Each of us is hard-wired with our past, and at first, with a new diagnosis of cancer, we are uncertain and view ourselves based only on what we have heard from the past stories.
Some of us are already dealing with old wounds and perspectives handed down by family and other expectations, and it’s not easy to talk about cancer with anyone. We are a bit confused about our true identity now our new meaning as to how we are viewed, our worth in a relationship, or if we are single, we cannot help but think about what we are worth now with cancer. It’s a real fear. It’s emotional, and it’s gripping for many.
For complete healing to occur, it is integral to get to the heart and soul of who we are and completely own it.
Cancer brought me to that crossroads, and I faced myself for the very first time. I hit every single one of those I just mentioned with stage 3 when I was single and stage 4 when I was married.
I went from being the worst self-critic on complete auto-pilot, totally unaware that my mind was continually knocking me down mentally and emotionally, to where I am today helping other women learn about the importance of healing emotional wounds and coping with stress.
In the very beginning starting with my cancer journey at stage 3, I would say deprecating things to myself subconsciously all day long; it was background chatter n my head (A constant judge and jury) saying things such as, “You should have, or: “You shouldn’t have” or, What a fool you were! Or How stupid could you be or, You’ll never, or Once again, here you are! The list is long on how I criticized myself, and I even got into relationships in the past with men who were critical of me until I healed from cancer the second time around.
Healing from cancer was not only about the treatment of my body. It included my mind, body, and spirit too.
For the last nine years, I have tried to be as transparent as possible with all that I have done with healing my heart, mind, body, and soul to all who seek me out looking for the answers to surviving cancer. I assure them, first of all, it isn’t luck for any of us survivors. Come what may, our desire to begin fixing what we think we broke suddenly kicks in! Some of us change our diets and start taking supplements immediately. Some begin going to church and getting closer to their spiritual roots.
Cancer can be a call to action for your soul.
We all start with different approaches. From the moment we are diagnosed, we start looking back at the life choices we made. Each of us has a unique immune system, and our response time to when we take action for treatment varies from one another as well. Cancer treatment includes emotional healing for many of us and changing how we cope with stress. That was a big one for me. The first book I purchased that had a workbook companion that was life-changing for me was “Safe People” It teaches you how to be a Safe person and how to recognize unsafe people in your life. We all have moments where we push the boundaries of where we lose our cool. That’s not what I am referring too. Are we able to apologize and change behavior? Can we feel deep remorse or empathy?
Here is the link. Safe People Book Link Below
I need to tell you it is a faith-based book following bible scriptures. It still has excellent lessons that are eye-opening but scriptures that show an example for one reason (Hey, even Jesus had boundaries so don’t feel bad if you make it a rule that someone must earn your trust first)
Some traits of Unsafe People
- Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it. No one is entitled to it.
- Criticizing without being caring
- Apologetic without changing their harmful behaviors
- Blame others instead of taking responsibility for their decisions.
- Treat others with a lack of empathy when they are upset.
- Often fail to forgive others for their mistakes.
The saddest part of this is these individuals often inflict themselves with the same treatment, Self-criticism, holding on to shame for their past mistakes, they cannot trust themselves, and lack self-compassion.
They need to heal themselves within first; you cannot fix them.
An excellent example of my personal growth over the years would be to look back at my first cancer diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer in 2006. I did not believe I deserved all the pain I was going through ( poor, pitiful me), and yet I blamed myself too! I mean, I handled cancer the first time like a train wreck, which is why you don’t see a single picture of me going through it at all in WA State.
I was terrified and angry because I felt no control over what was happening! I saw people around me through what was
I was looking through a filter of fear that brings up a whole host of other negative emotions.
How can we see and feel love while we have so much fear running through us constantly?
Everywhere I turned, whether it was a medical appointment or interacting with friends, I felt a dark cloud hanging heavy over my head just waiting to rain more bad news on me.
Think of placebo groups, and your mind will start to wander off into the right direction. How do people respond favorably to a placebo a sugar pill? They “think” they have the drug!
My first step to achieving emotional wellness was writing in a gratitude journal.
At the end of my battle with stage 3 breast cancer, I began it when I had so many complications with infection from multiple surgeries. I started by writing thank you for five things a day and progressed by taping positive messages to my ceiling. I was in such a state of depression; I knew I was spiraling downward and had to do something. I healed from stage 3 cancer in 2008.
In 2010 it came back with a vengeance, though.
I took my gratitude and positive messages to a whole new level! I refused chemo I chose alternative at CMN in San Luis, Mexico, even after my UCLA oncologist gave me 12 months to live. People who visited me saw my positive messages on my water bottles and once again taped on walls and my ceiling to be the first thing I saw when I woke up! I drew hearts and wrote messages on my body because they were a reminder that I was lovable. I was now married to a physically abusive man during this second battle with stage 4 cancer in 2010, and I needed to feel the love. I wanted to succeed in my healing, and I think having a fighting spirit has a lot to do with our ability to heal.
It was private and personal, and I did not ask a single woman in a group for advice on how to win my cancer battle. I prayed and did not belong to Facebook groups because they did not exist at that time.
I framed a picture of me when I was a little girl and sent her messages of love. I spoke to her about what kind of future she deserved and how she would get well, and everything would be alright. When you have a husband hitting you and a doctor saying you are dying, you need that comfort.
My faith in God was necessary, and knowing that I was lovable to God was so important.
You are worthy, ignore the negative self-talk, and gravitate to love, and If you believe in God, Keep Him the closest. Cancer is not a punishment, “That’s a lie” cancer helped me learn more about God’s grace, and it showed me His purpose for me to where I live each day with intention now, and I am no longer living on autopilot.